The Mark

Anyone who has gone to prison knows that upon arriving at the facility, sometimes it’s even during the transport to the facility where you will call home for the next several years, a mark is placed upon you. Whether it be the mark of a bitch, a murderer, a liar, a thief, or any of the other vulgar acronyms your fellow felons can cook up. 

So, while in “normal” society having two black eyes and a fat lip would be looked at as a bad thing, in prison it shows you’re not meant to be fucked with. When being given a choice between standing up for yourself so you can have food or bowing down and starving, choosing to stand up for what’s right still remained prevalent. However harsh this sounds, the reality of standing up for yourself and having the other inmates respect you on that level can literally save your life. 

 Deprived stimulation is what ultimately feeds this behavior. The natural human urge to connect, to become a part of something. When you take a person and put them in a box for nearly 23 hours a day something happens. Some seize the opportunity in toxic, familiar ways, planning and plotting how they can get ahead the easiest way possible, no matter how many rules it breaks. Some, like myself, seize the opportunity to better mind, body and soul. Taking advantage of the down time through reading and studying as many topics as I could get my hands on, creating structure within my own self and learning the art of self of awareness.  

When put in the position of choosing what label you want and to act on your own behalf before others can do it for you, can leave you in the same state I was. Sick and tired of being pushed around and feeling the angst of men with egos too big to measure, knowing I was being sized up for a fight. I chose to stand up. To prove I will not be pushed around. By choosing to take an ass whopping, I saved my reputation during my time served. I was known as someone who was not meant to be fucked with, someone who no matter how many times you knock them down, will always rise again.  

 My mark was nothing more than a white boy who wouldn’t take shit from anyone and who always stands up for himself. Even in “normal” society that is something to be respected.